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Welcome to the PostpartumMen online forum. This is the first and only online community for men with concerns about depression, anxiety or other mood disruptions after the birth of a child. We hope this is a comfortable place for you to find information and get support from other dads to help in your recovery. Please be aware that PostpartumMen reserves the right to delete any post that we believe is inflammatory, derogatory or hurtful. We want the men who post here to know they’re safe from judgement when revealing their very private concerns. I will try to visit the forum as much as possible. However, this forum is primarily intended to serve as an online community of self-help and mutual support. If you have a concern about a posting, email me at wcourtenay@PostpartumMen.com. Please note that the site administrator is only able to review membership requests every few days, so it can take anywhere from 1 to 4 days before you receive approval. (This system is primarily in place to prevent massive spamming, which has previously occurred.)
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Author Topic: 2 weeks into fatherhood, and not doing any better  (Read 1755 times)
Mouce
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« on: May 30, 2011, 06:43:02 PM »

Sorry for the length of the post, but please bear with me.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with an acute anxiety disorder, following a rather spectacular meltdown (on my best friend's buck's night).  It was then that I finally admitted I needed help.  Three years of psycological and psychiatric help later, things were significantly better.

My wife was pregnant, we were both rather excited about having our son on the way.  He was delivered (c-section) two weeks ago, and I promptly fell apart.

My stress levels spiralled out of control, my body weight fell, the meds which up until then had managed to keep my panic attacks and anxiety attacks at bay, were more useless than fly-screen doors on a submarine.  I'm not sleeping, I have no appetite, I have no interest in any of the things I used to enjoy most.

Most mornings all I want to do is lie in bed, pull the sheets over my head, cry and hide from everyone, including myself.  I'm very fortunate in that my wife is supportive, and wants to do anything and everything to help me...the only problem is when anyone asks "How can I help?", I just don't have the answer.

I'm so thankful for finding this forum, there's very little support for men with mental illnesses following the birth of a child here in Australia.  There are some support groups around, but there is such a stigma attached that most men are still too afraid to ask for help, even from other men in the same situation.

I know I need to get better for the sake of my wife and son, I have dozens of people who want to go out of their way to help me, so my question is this...

How can I ask for help, when I don't know what help I need?

Cheers,
Michael
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popo1984
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« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2011, 06:34:49 AM »

That is really a tough question and is similar to how i felt. Like to said to me just talk it out and maybe go back and see the phsyc. That is something that I have looked into but have not done yet
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Mouce
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« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2011, 05:46:09 PM »

The talking-it-through approach normally only lasts for a couple of words until either my brain just gets up and walks away leaving me going "I'm scared, I'm stressed but I don't know what would help" on a continuous loop.  Or, My composure leaves me and I just break down into a sobbing, twitching mess trying to not throw up.

My psych has me on Xanax and Zoloft at the moment.  And so far, nothing...although it's only been a few days.

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popo1984
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« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2011, 02:04:55 PM »

I honestly dont know what else to do since this is so new to me but i just wanted to let you know that you will get over it it just takes time and you are also not alone. I sometimes think of Happy things to do with my little boy and that helps me to relax
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Mouce
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« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2011, 03:54:26 AM »

My psych prescribed me Zoloft (sertraline), which after one week has me throwing up after every meal, and as a result feeling more weak and run-down than I was before I started taking it.  The dosage has since been reduced, and I'll see how that goes. 

I've found that when the little guy is screaming and won't go to sleep, if I sit there next to him, and hold his hand, and talk to him about how he's going to help me rebuild my project car, how I can buy him his first motorbike (and look after it for him for the next 18 years  Wink ), how I can teach him to make his own beer, and how I'll buy him his first rifle.  It's usually by this time, he's got a really solid grip on my hand and has nodded off listening to my voice, and I've had the benefit of coming up with all sorts of happy thoughts of the future.

My appetite is shot, the nausea is horrible (I hate those freaking pills), I still have anxiety attacks on a daily basis, but every now and then I do get positive thoughts starting to creep in.   

The most helpful thing is knowing that I'm not alone, and having finally found a forum in which I can talk about this stuff openly with other people who understand it.  I intend on sticking around on here to repay all the help that this forum has and will give me in the future.  It's a fantastic resource to have.  Just a pity that there's sod all for Paternal Post Partum Anxiety/Depression/Panic support in my country.
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