Thank you for this site!

[Revt]

As the tag line says, thank you for this site. It has helped me quite a bit in just the last couple of days.

I suppose this is where I introduce myself. I'm a 33 year father. My wife and I had a little boy just about 3 weeks ago, and boy was I not prepared! I thought that I was, and had been suggesting starting a family to my wife for a couple of years. Both of us were very excited all throughout the pregnancy.

I am not really sure what happened when the baby got here. My wife was induced and was in labor for about 30 hours before she ended up having a c-section. During that time neither her nor myself got any sleep (we both had previous issues with insomnia). And of course, when the baby was finally here we were very excited, but unable to sleep much in the hospital.

After being in the hospital for 6 days with very little sleep I started to go a bit crazy. I thought to myself, "why did I want to have a baby?" And of course felt pretty guilty about it. This feeling was accompanied by the sense of being overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a father. Really, its hard to put into words, but I felt like I was drowning and there was no relief in sight. I became weepy and started really feeling despair, and unfortunately my wife wasn't much better.

I thought that this feeling would go away when I caught up on sleep, but it didn't--not that I'm having a whole lot of luck in the sleep department. In fact, over 2 weeks things have gotten no better for me. I had to return to work right away, though as a graduate student, I don't work much. This has been very, very difficult for me. I feel exhausted, sad and overwhelmed by this experience--as well as anxious with periodic panic attacks.

And the fact that my wife is also suffering from postpartum depression has not made things easy for either of us.

I did see a doctor today, though in previous incarnations of myself I would have never done this, and I start medication tomorrow. Hopefully this helps me as much as your website has. Thanks guys, it feels better to know I'm not alone.
 

[desperatedad]

Welcome to the site, and good on you for seeking help for yourself. That is the best thing you can do!

Everyone will tell you this, and it really is true... I'm the father of a 3-month old boy and it really does get easier with time.

Becoming a parent is a shock to the system and you can't go from looking after only yourself for 33 years to suddently being responsible for a new life without some transition.

At only 3 weeks in he's still a baby and he's at his most demanding, but with every week that passes he will become more settled in the world.
My boy now sleeps 12 hours a night uninterrupted, which means we both now get a proper night's sleep.

I'm 33 myself and I suffered severe anxiety when I found out we were having a baby, but I saw the doctor, and went to counselling for 2 months.
Talking it out makes a world of difference, so as well as meds I'd encourage you to find someone to discuss the issues with.

[Revt]

Welcome to the site, and good on you for seeking help for yourself. That is the best thing you can do!

Everyone will tell you this, and it really is true... I'm the father of a 3-month old boy and it really does get easier with time.

Becoming a parent is a shock to the system and you can't go from looking after only yourself for 33 years to suddently being responsible for a new life without some transition.

At only 3 weeks in he's still a baby and he's at his most demanding, but with every week that passes he will become more settled in the world.
My boy now sleeps 12 hours a night uninterrupted, which means we both now get a proper night's sleep.

I'm 33 myself and I suffered severe anxiety when I found out we were having a baby, but I saw the doctor, and went to counselling for 2 months.
Talking it out makes a world of difference, so as well as meds I'd encourage you to find someone to discuss the issues with.

Thanks for the reassurance. Incidentally I agree with you. I'm someone who never was a believer in medication alone to address psychological problems.  In fact, I've gone years with untreated panic disorder because of this. I knew that the inclination of the medical profession would be to just give me drugs, but I found that I could manage my own panic attacks rather well and "ride out" prolonged episodes (I have maybe two a year).

I just felt so bad in this instance that I thought I really needed to do something about it, and I was willing to accept the medication. Having said that, I am also going to therapy too. It doesn't make a lot of sense, at least to me, to have one without the other, and so far I'm feeling a lot better. Indeed, I felt better just telling my doctor how I felt! I really suffered from not being able to share with others how I felt. It certainly isn't allowed, or at least it feels that way, to let on that there is anything but joy and happiness at the arrival of a new baby.

[chevdoc]

Good for you!  Cheers!

Remember that this is just the beginning of a long journey for you.  Stay vigilant!  Some medication doesn't work for some people, and more than likely, you will go through several different meds/dosages before you find the right one for you.  It is important you get feedback from your loved ones as well.  Sometimes it is difficult to tell if they are even working. Your family will be able to let you know if they see a positive change in your mood/attitude- at least it was for me.

[rssooner]

Revt,

Congratulations on your baby boy!!!  If i could fast forward you to your son being 2 yrs 9 months old like mine...you would simply look back and tell yourself how truly lucky and fortunate you are to have the family you have.  I promise you...it gets better at each phase of your son's life.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to see that when I was in the phase you are currently in.  Like Chevdoc mentioned and I agree with...it's a total shock to your life.  I was exactly your age when I got married then I had my son at 35.  I had 35 years of basically doing what i wanted to do...now you have a little guy your taking care of that is 100% calling the shots.  I promise you...it does get so much better.  You are in so deep right now it is very hard to see it but take it from dads that have gone through it...it gets so much more enjoyable and fun.  Right now you are in survival mode.  it's ok to be in survival mode.  it's ok not to be having a lot of fun right now.  caring for a child that doesnt communicate back to you except for crying is very hard to take.  please do not beat yourself up and feel guilty.  you are doing the right things by getting help.  I agree with you it is a combination of both therapy and medication.  in my opinion..medication alone will not help you as much than doing both..

Hang in there...you will be just fine.  keep posting to let us know how you are doing.

rssooner

[Revt]

Just wanted to update everyone, I am feeling much better, thanks in no small part to this website and your reassurances. I started taking Celexa about a month ago, and Trazodone to sleep. I was not getting much sleep. This made me feel a little bit better.

I think things really started to get better when my wife, who was also suffering from PPD started taking medication and stopped breast feeding. While this made her sad to do, nursing was interfering with her ability to get help, and ensured neither she nor I got more than 3 hours of sleep a night. With our son being formula fed we can sleep in shifts and make sure everyone is getting 8 hours.

Another thing that I think helped for me was our son moving past the brand new stage. Now that he's interacting with us more, smiling, and making cooing noises I've bonded more with him. Its truly amazing how much I love him.

I am not cured completely though. I still have my moments of panic and anxiety, and I'm still really far behind on my work. I feel almost like I'll never get it done. Therapy is helping a bit with this. I was even diagnosed with ADD and offered medication for it, which I have accepted, but am sort of afraid to take.

Regardless, its still a struggle at times, but the entire family is doing much better.

[Stymie]

Hi.  Yes as you have seen you are definately NOT alone and the symptoms and issue you have are common.  Great to hear they have indeed dissipated, I found that a combined approach of meds plus relaxation methods (exercise, meditation for me) and talking to my wife a lot, helps best.  Also keeping a journal (and I suppose this forum is partly that anyway).  Everyone is different but the point is, these things pass.  The feelings are not really "you" as you know.

Myself, I had a major issue similar to your's when my daughter was about 3 months.  I became my old self in a couple of months, thanks in part I am sure to this site (far better than the Dr. Google forum madness...).  I come on once in a while when I have a wee relapse, as I am now (anxiety and depersonalization), but this timing actually knowing how I really feel and knowing this will also pass makes a big difference.  I mostly come back on here to just remind myself of what I already know.  I'm not even sure this recent episode is from MPPD....in fact it seemed to come on after I was AWAY from my family (for work) for a month, and really missed them.  So almost the opposite problem maybe, LOL.  But either way, its helpful to come back to this site and see more success stories.  Keep it up and congrats on your baby!



 

[jytreberg]

Stymie,

I know completely how you feeel about being away from your kids.  I miss my son every day that I'm at work and unfortunately some days I leave before he wakes up in the morning and don't get home until after he's in bed.  But it is all worth while when I walk into his room on the days that I am home and he gets a giant grin across his face and says "Hi daddy" or when I come home from work and he runs to the door to give me a hug.  I'm not sure how old your daughter is now, but when she gets to that point, it will melt your heart.

[Stymie]

Thanks jytreberg for your kind words and comment:

Yep, she's 18 months now and just seeing her (and my wife) again after over a month away just lifted my heart.  I resolved after that to never be away that long for work again.  Just too long.

She can say "dada" now and it does as you say warm the heart :>)  I work at home, so I guess am lucky that way (though I also think it can be a distraction sometimes, for example when anxiety wells up....), but when I do head out for meetings I really look forward to seeing her coming up to me when I walk in.

Thanks again