My apologies for posting on someone else's thread, but I could not figure out how to start a new one. Sorry!
Anyway, I am the proud dad of a fabulous 3 year-old son. I have actually never experienced PPMD - although I had what I'd consider to be normal levels of anxiety before/after his birth, I can truly say that having him in my life is the greatest single pleasure I've ever felt. HOWEVER...
...we are expecting our 2nd child in 3 months and to put it bluntly, I am completely freaked out. I have never felt feelings of anxiety like this, and I am sad to say that I have started taking XANAX a few times/day in order to cope. Its definitely helping manage the stress, as it reduces my panic attacks but I feel ashamed and embarassed that I've resorted to drugs in order to get through what everyone thinks should be a normal, happy, all american life. However, when I wake up at 4am and cant get back to sleep bc I'm so nervous about life, its the only thing that gets me to calm down.
My job is highly stressful. I enjoy what I do and when I do it well I am paid handsomely. The problem is twofold: (1) I have only been doing it for 2 years and dont have a long enough track record to know if I'll be able to maintain it, and (2) because I'm in my own business, my months/quarters vary greatly. When I have a good month financially I am on top of the world. A bad month - I convince myself that my family and I will be on the streets in a year! In effect, I get overly up during a good month; and overly down in a bad one.
Lately, all I think about is "Will I be able to provide a good life for my wife and two children?" I'm obsessed with these thoughts, and instead of thinking about being successful, ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT is "What if I am not successful and let my wife and two children down." For some reason I"ve been able to handle it up until now, but with the 2nd child right around the corner I'm losing sleep, taking prescription tranquilizers, have become noticebly stressed at work, and feel like I'm losing the ability to be happy bc I'm consumed with thoughts of failing my family. I love them so much that the fear of losing that love overwhelmes me. So embarrased to even be typing this but its the truth.
My question is as follows: Is it normal to feel these levels of anxiety before the birth of a 2nd child? I have anxiety about failing the family; anxiety about "how will I be able to work effectively with a screaming infant at home keeping me up all night," etc. I am also the sole provider for my family as my wife is a stay at home, and I am just scared out of my mind right now. I have no doubt that if I was financially set I would not be posting right now. My issues are definitely work/dollars related.
Called a therapist and trying to schedule an appointment. I've never felt like this before - I was always so happy in life. Am I suffering from clinical depression? I feel nauseaus a lot, my appetitie is WAY-down, and I cannot sleep without pills. Perhaps I just answerd my own question?