Just get over it!

[nodifferent]

I just had a fight with my wife.  About a month ago, I told my wife how I was having trouble adjusting to the new life as a dad.  She knew I was having a tough time, and she was very supportive and helpful.  I’ve worked really hard, and I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress.  There are still difficult moments, but I’m much happier than I was. 

Yesterday morning, I stayed a little later at my friend’s house to play soccer with his kids and their friends (ages 4-9).  Following some of the advice on this site, I pictured playing soccer like this with my son one day, and it made me so happy.  I probably stayed an hour later than I should have, and I came home to a fuming wife.  I tried to explain how playing soccer with them made me happier to think of my life with my son.  She didn’t understand.  She said that choosing to be with my friend’s family meant I didn’t want to be with our family.  The culmination of the fight was her saying, “I’m fed up, and I’m done trying to help. You’ve had 5 months to get used to being a dad.  Get over it!” 

I understand this is frustrating for both of us, and there are a lot more factors than just this one incident.  Therefore, we both needed to vent a little.  I just think it’s interesting that she thinks I can just snap out of it.  If it were that easy to get over it, I don’t think this site would exist.

[fileextension]

better read this.
http://fatherhood.about.com/od/newdadsresources/a/dads_benefits.htm

[chevdoc]

"Depression isn’t something a guy can simply “get over.” It’s a health condition that needs to be treated – just like a bad heart or injured knee. PostpartumMen is a place for you to find the strength and courage you need to get your life back on track."

--Direct quote from the main page

I have very similar problems... Women will never know what it is like to be a father just as we will never know what it is like to be a mother.  Women seem to get alot more slack tho..  Perhaps you should suggest she take a look at this site. Between the forum postings and info pages, there are TONS of raw data to refute her preconceptions.  I did that and my wife says she has a better understanding now.

Good luck man

Chev

[rssooner]

There is actually a large study published in the A.M.A. (American Medical Association) on postpartum in men.  It is now has a medical diagnosis for it. 

I am not saying that this gives us an excuse but actually it gives us a reason to seek help.  Like I have mentioned on here before, we don't look in the mirror in the morning and say, "Well...today I want to feel sad and anxious and in fact, so much so that I want to just run away and not deal with being a father"

We are on here b/c something didn't feel right.  I commend you on that.

No different....I think your wife was frustrated.  It happens...trust me..my wife gets frustrated all the time with me.  What I need to work on is being more empathetic to her.  If I was able to do that then it would eliminate at least 75% of our disagreements.  If you're like me then you may want to take a look at being more empathetic too.

I hope this helps.

rssooner