Great Advice from the you guys - a list!

[HoldOn]

I thought I would make a post listing some the great advice given by people in the forum, i guess not everything will help everyone but it's a good start and please reply adding what works for you.

1. Talk about it - letting it out is a big relief and if you can talk to an expert do it, but a trusted friend works too.
2. Post in the forum - writing is another way to let it out, it helps! especially if you don't have someone to talk to.
3. Get professional help - If you can, see your doctor about what your next step can be.
4. Try and make time for yourself - You have to look after yourself to be able to properly look after the kids
5. Turn negative thoughts around - thinking about something positive doesn't let the negative thought get hold
6. Other people share your feelings - knowing that other people understand what you are going through really helps - you are not alone
7. It gets better - there are good days and bad days - lots of ups and downs - but it does get better and keeps getting better.
8. Eat well - some of us let depression, stress, anxiety etc effect how we eat, try and stay physically healthy.
9. Exercise - A hard one, especially in the beginning but can help.

[jytreberg]

HoldOn,
I couldn't agree with you more on this list.  Some of them sound so simple, but we almost take them for granted.  The last two I've found are very important and ones that are often forgotten about.  I know that I need to find the time to get some exercise after being cooped up all winter long indoors.   I also find that when I'm stressed out, I don't keep up on eating as well as I should and that just pushes the cycle and increases the physical stress on the body and makes me less able to deal with the emotional and mental stress.  Take some of those things off the table and we are better able to deal with the real issues that are affecting us and our relationships with our families.

[rssooner]

All of those listed are so accurate and a great summary of what is so important.  I would only add #10 "Rely on or develop a spiritual relationship to help you through the hard times."

Also, I wasn't able to do #5 on my own so I went to #3 to help me do this.   

take care,

rssooner

[HoldOn]

So easy to list... So hard to do 

I also have a hard time with #8, and #9. One way i eat better is simply trying to eat more fruit - fruit keeps the sugar levels up over a longer period of time which helps fight the peaks and drops from too much sugar in chocolate or our coffee for example, also cutting down on caffeine is a must.

I still haven't figured out a way to exercise, no time or energy and hard to get motivated, i resorted to using the baby as weights and lifting him like bench press...

and yes, a great addition is developing a spiritual relationship, or some way the individual can feed the soul, which has got be as important as feeding the body and mind.

rssooner do you have any tips on #5 given to you by #3, I think this was hardest for me a few months ago, but it still takes hold once in a while.

[jytreberg]

Another thing that I've found help me at least on #8 is not only dropping the caffine and going for fruit, etc., but also making sure I have plenty of water.  Again, sounds so simple, and grabbing a Pepsi or a Coke might taste a whole lot better, but I find myself feeling much better physically when I stay away from caffinated drinks and stick to water, milk and fruit juices.

[HoldOn]

jytreberg good call -  I completely forgot about drinking plenty of water.

[Stymie]

Outstanding and useful list!  Only thing I would suggest is #9 be "find a way/outlet to relax and reduce stress" and this should include exercise (maybe best for most) but also and/or other ways like progressive muscle relaxation, massage, meditation and even acupuncture can fall under this category.

Cheers

[Stymie]

PS. I too would be keen to read rssooner's thoughts on getting #5 from #3.  In my case, back then when I was feeling poor, I couldnt get access to a qualified therapist (which may be an issue with many) so I relied on this site and the various web materials I found incl. very helpful stuff on BM but also on mindful awareness (which I can go on and on about in terms of how helpful it is in dealing with negative thoughts).  So getting professional help is in some sense, for some people, accessing the right resources on the web.  Maybe a summary table/bibliography with links would be a good idea for this site, in addition to what is already available, (Dr. Courtney if you are reading :>)  I'd be happy to "give something back" and chip in with some of the links I've filed. 

PSS.
Just wanted to add that I'm ok with being forever a "newbie" but rssooner being only a "jr member"after all he has done?!!?  What must one do to be a sr. member around here? LOL:>)     

[jytreberg]

I think that's a great idea Stymie.  I know we are all lucky to have found this resource and to have each other as resources, but let's make this place even better with a list of links.  Can we even get a new Category created for lists of resources off of the main forum page?

[HoldOn]

I decided to read over the list as was really having that sinking feeling, with not finding a new job and starting to feel anxious that i would let the little ones down. And realized that i was consciously doing things to make the anxiety not grab hold like it did before i found this forum.

Some examples are when I experienced real anxiety the first time my appetite disappeared and i lost a lot of weight,  I was also too weak to mentally fight the depression and it was very hard to climb out of it. This time when it started to hit, I made sure to keep eating and drink plenty of water so I would have the energy to deal with it mentally.

The next big help was learning how to not focus on negative thoughts and that no concrete evidence existed to prove that what i'm going through is really that bad - so thanks so much for adding your tips and advice and let's keep adding - a link resource is a great idea and if we can't get the admin to create a category let's open a new thread and just post them - most important just keep the dialog going.

Finally YES getting it out does the world of good - so this post is as much a ramble for my release, as it is for conversation... so thanks for listening / reading.

[Stymie]

HoldOn,

Exactly.  I have also had a bit of a relapse or setback (after a stressful period I think) and pretty much right away I found I was doing things to not let it get out of control, sub-consciously almost (or automatically) and I owe this Forum a lot of gratitude for that.  We'll be OK eh :>)  Hope it works out with the job search, but it will work out whatever way it goes.  I get that too (anxiety over letting my family down) sometimes but I know better now, that they accept me for what I am and that I am so fortunate to have an amazing loving family, which makes me know I am happy deep down...just a matter of accepting the negative emotions and set-backs, dont dwell on them but allow them to exist and notice them with a degree of attachment and knowing they dont define me and what I am.  Thanks again for the List...its always a good reminder.  Especially for me re: diet and exercise.  Excuse me now, my mint tea is ready to drink....

:>)
Stymie 

[rssooner]

HoldOn and Stymie,

My apologies for not getting back to you both.  You both asked me about what advise #3 gave me about #5.  Basically, my therapist has really helped me break down why i felt so negative about the situation I was in.  For example, when I was in the thick of trying to take care of an infant and even today when my son who is now 2 years old throws a complete fit and the negative thoughts come on strong he has helped me perform an exercise that helps quite a bit.  I will try and explain it the best way I can.

When the negative thoughts present themselves, first try and go to a "happy place" (mine is the balcony where my wife and stayed for our honeymoon looking over the ocean).  This helps your level of anxiety.  Then you must ask yourself what am I thinking at that very moment that is causing you to feel the way you are feeling.  Then you must list everything that is hard fact that supports that specific thought.  You can not list your opinions, it must be facts.  At times there are facts that are supportive of your thoughts but most of the time there is no true evidence that supports your thoughts.  They are just huge exaggerations.

What this does is if you can do this everytime you have a negative thought then it allows you to handle it better and turn the negative thoughts into positive thoughts.  You are basically retraining your way of thinking.  Most of the time you think a certain way and that in turn makes you believe a certain way.  By doing this it helps reverse the way you believe.  Your beliefs are what generates your actions and in turn the results from those actions.  It's a chain of events.

I hope this makes since.  It is not easy to do but once you can make it a habit of doing it it truly helps deal with the negative thoughts and beliefs you have about the experiences you are having.

rssooner

[HoldOn]

rssooner,

Thanks so much for replying. Recently I have been feeling so low that it actually results in a deep physical sensation almost like a burning in my gut. I control what I can by trying to eat right drink water and try to exercise but that's just not enough - I realize those few things just mentioned are necessary to have the strength to deal with whatever is bothering us, but in the end it's the mental fight that is hardest to win.

I will try what you have advised in fact I have this one memory that I have used like this without realizing it - a sunny day a little while back where we were all lying on a blanket in the park, all of us in such good moods - very simple bliss.

The other day i said to my wife, I'm so afraid that one day I will let our kids down - no evidence for that to make me anxious, and it probably will happen at some point and won't be the end of the world - but still I twinge when I think of it.

I think our list of advise is growing nicely and every addition really does help - so please, say whatever works for you, because I try almost everything and a lot helps!

[rssooner]

HoldOn,

I know it's hard at times.  Trust me when I say that I still have moments when I just want to run away and go back to my easy life I had before my son came along.  I know in my heart that he is such a blessing and especially now that he is getting older (he will be 2 in a month) he brings so many more positive warm feelings that completely overtake the negative one's.

When you get really anxious and stressed or even scared try and stop yourself right in the middle of that moment of anxiety, stress, etc. and thank about that blissful day on the blanket and just simply ask yourself "why am I feeling this way?"  "what is happening right now that is causing me to feel this way?"  by simply breaking your thoughts down and go through it in your mind is such will be such a huge step.  Many times when i do this, after about a minute or so I truly see that I am completely overreacting and I then go to a more calm state.

I hope this helps.

rssooner