What's up guys?

[AaronTassle]

Hey everyone, what's up? My name is Aaron and I'm new to the forum. I just wanted to say hey.. I hope I posted this in the right section.. if not, mods please feel free to move it.

[jytreberg]

Hi Aaron, welcome to the forums.  What brings you to the site?

[ve14326]

Hello Everyone...

My name is Vince...I'm also new to the site and this is my first post.  I've been a dad for almost 8 months now and gradually the stress in my like has caused me to revert back to some behaviors that I'm not proud of and could really prove detrimental to my marriage.  I know I'm depressed and not sure if PPND is exactly what I have...A lot of it reads right to me though...

I am seeking professional help, have an appointment and my wife and I will be seeking additional marriage help, but I was also informed about this online forum, and wanted to check it out.

[jytreberg]

Vince,

First off, congtraulations on being a dad.  My son is about the same age and your child.

It sounds like you've already made some of the important first steps in fixing things with your family in recognizing that you are having problems.  I'm not a professional in any respect, but I hope I can offer a little friendly advice.

One of the things that I have read about Postpartum depression is that if you think that you are suffering from it, chances are that your partner is as well.  If you haven't already, sit down and talk with your wife about what you are feeling.  Women often feel like us men should be able to read their minds and while we all know that's not possible, we have to make sure that we're not making the same expectation of them since they are just as blind to what goes on in our heads as we are with them.

You say in your post that you're reverting to some behaviors that you're not proud of because of the stress in your life.  Try to isolate the stress.  Is it work related, school, the baby, your wife?  Figure out what the main stressor is and work on fixing that.

Hope some of this helps and remember, you're not alone out there.

[ve14326]

Thanks for the reply...

what's weird, is seriously, my wife has suffered no depression at all...I mean none...

For me, I know my stress is from work, school, and somewhat family...I just feel trapped...The economy is what it is, and I accept that, but basically I'm stalled at my job with no chance for advancement....so, that is frustrating....I just finished my Master's, which when I started was a guarantee of a promotion, but of course, the economy, so the degree is being wasted.

As for my family...I love my wife and son to death, but here's where the trapped comes in...I go to work and I go home...My wife's job doesn't allow her the luxury of a set schedule.  So I can't have a set "guys night out" like I used to with a bowling league.  So, for me, I never have a moment where I can just do something for me with no sense of responsibility...if that makes sense...it just feels stifling and overwhelming sometimes....

[jytreberg]

I completely understand where you are coming from with not having any time to yourself.  I feel that same way at times as well and I can imagine that it's frustrated even more by having your wife not have a set schedule.  I had the same situation where my wife worked alternating hours from me for several months and I would see her in the morning before I went to work and not again until late at night when she got home from work and I was about to head to bed.

One thing I can suggest, and it might be tough given the economy as you mentioned, see about getting someone to babysit so that you can have a night out with the guys.  I don't know your situation, but see if your parents or your wife's parents can watch the baby for en evening, or a Saturday afternoon so that you can have a little time for you.  Even if it's once a month or so, it can give you something to look forward too and let you just get away.

Another thing, and I just did this myself the other day, when you and your wife have a moment home together, take an evening and go out to dinner with the baby.  Maybe even go to a restaurant that you've never been to before.  Sometimes the change of scenery helps to improve your mood and while it might not be a night out with "the guys", it is some good time with your family which from the sounds of it are very important to you.

Lastly, congrats on getting your Master's degree.  I'm in a similar position at my work where I started working on mine in order to improve my career, but with the economy tanking, nothing is guaranteed.  But don't look at it from the point of view that you got your degree and now you're wasting it.  Be content that you do have a job and that you've positioned yourself for future advancement when the time comes and things start to improve.

[rssooner]

Hi AaronTassel....welcome to the forum. 

Ve14326,

I totally agree with jytreberg...now that we are fathers and responsible for more now than we ever had before it will definitely take a lot more planning and communication with your wife in order to get some free time.  Also, when my wife and I are home with our son, there are many times when we just have to get out and change up the scenery.  We either go to dinner @ some child-friendly place, go to the mall and walk around, play @ the park..whatever we can do to just get out of the house.  It always helps.

on another note, you are aware of the negative behavior that you have had b/c of the stress.  You are doing something about it to make you a better person so you are heading in the right direction for sure.

Keep us posted.

rssooner