Studio-Steve
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« on: September 22, 2008, 05:43:59 PM » |
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Seems like most of the men that log on here just browse, look at your responses Dr., then move along. I guess in the short few minutes that I've reviewed threads here it seems the BIG answer is just get professional help. Before I get to a suggestion let me tell you a little about me, which I'm sure is not far from some or most on here.
I KNOW I am suffering from PPD severely! I was excited about my new twin daughters arrival not but 2 months ago but now with stresses of no work (self employed), no sexual activity for more 9 months (high risk pregnancy), 2 needy/screaming babies, wife going back to work soon, trying to find a nanny to come into our home, my parents and my in-laws arguing, my impatience and aggressiveness to the point where my wife won't let me touch the kids in fear of hurting them (which I'm worried of myself), sleep deprivation, no time for chores around the house and shopping to get done and above all no time for me to do the fun things I used to do (ride my motorcycle with my friends every sunday and playing golf) has really sent me over the edge and started to tear our marriage apart. I find myself gritting my teeth constantly where my jaws hurt at the end of every day and random thoughts of suicide to just moving away from it all go through my head at least once a day. I know better that suicide doesn't solve anything so moving away looks more and more appealing to me. I have however, today, made the first step to recovery by setting up an appointment with a recommended therapist from my wife's OB/GYN. Unfortunately that appointment isn't for a couple weeks.
Now for my suggestion. It would be nice to see a thread where all the men that have gotten help to post up the things that have helped them the most in their recovery. Something that us desperate men or men that are too shy to speak up can benefit from by just logging on and reading. I have no where to start and have no idea what is to come in the upcoming sessions with my therapist but a heads up from the guys here on what to expect and things that might help me thinking in advance would be great to hear.
Just my 2˘
Thanks for your time.
Steve
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Kfyr23
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« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2008, 08:15:22 PM » |
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Sounds really really familar at least your getting help now I waited 2 years and it doesnt go away on its own. My counselor wasnt even sure what male PPD was all about. so good luck with yours. I even left was headed to another state to start over and saw a sign on interstate that said dont abandon your child I was so upset by the sign I pulled into a parking lot and cried for almost an hour then headed home got counseling that week.
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Studio-Steve
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« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2008, 10:54:06 PM » |
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So counseling helped you Kfyr23? What do you feel helped you the most in counseling? Anything you'd recommend for me to concentrate on? I've had MANY crying days of anger and depression. I want to leave so bad but like you said I don't want to abandon my sweet girls, especially after their smiles are burned in my memory. I also don't want to miss them growing up so I guess leaving isn't an option.  Love to hear your thoughts on what might help me. Thanks! Steve |
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Kfyr23
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« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2008, 07:49:47 PM » |
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My counselor made me realize that being there for my daughter was the most important thing. The time you spend with you children will be some of their most treasured moments. In there eyes you do no wrong and they love you no matter what so just remeber that. Dont hide anything from your wife your feelings or thoughts because thats only going to make things worse. Hopefully you have a understanding wife that will help you get through your hard times and things will get better. Just learn from me taking things out on your wife is the last things you need to do because that makes incredibly worse and things go downhill very quick after that. Good Luck
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Studio-Steve
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Posts: 9
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« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2008, 09:06:49 PM » |
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My counselor made me realize that being there for my daughter was the most important thing. The time you spend with you children will be some of their most treasured moments. In there eyes you do no wrong and they love you no matter what so just remeber that. Dont hide anything from your wife your feelings or thoughts because thats only going to make things worse. Hopefully you have a understanding wife that will help you get through your hard times and things will get better. Just learn from me taking things out on your wife is the last things you need to do because that makes incredibly worse and things go downhill very quick after that. Good Luck
Good advice. I have my first counselor appointment tomorrow. I know not much will be achieved tomorrow but at least I might get a feel for her and how she'll work with me. Wish me luck!  |
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Kfyr23
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« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2008, 05:55:02 AM » |
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Good advice. I have my first counselor appointment tomorrow. I know not much will be achieved tomorrow but at least I might get a feel for her and how she'll work with me. Wish me luck! [/quote] So how was your first couseling? |
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Studio-Steve
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« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2008, 01:37:05 PM » |
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My first counseling experience wasn't that good. My counselor was going on vacation for a month and I'm surprised she even saw me when she said she wanted to see me once a week. I guess the first visit was the typical getting information and all but still I felt no connection and she only talked about herself and vacation. I asked her about medication and if she supports that. She said it was up to me. I was given no wise words before our session ended so I pretty much called someone else. I have another first appointment with someone else next week. I hope it goes better with that person! I called my family doctor tho and explained my situation and he prescribed some meds for me to take the edge off. So at least I have that going for me. Today was the first day of the meds. I hear not to expect much from the meds for a few days and to watch for side effects. I'll keep ya'll posted! |
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Kfyr23
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« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2008, 08:48:28 PM » |
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Good Luck
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Studio-Steve
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Posts: 9
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« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2008, 08:51:37 PM » |
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Thanks! |
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rssooner
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« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2008, 07:00:20 AM » |
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Hello Everyone
I saw this thread and wanted to chime in as well. So many people look but do not post and to me, that is fine. It is a very hard problem to identify and admit. We are MEN...we are suppose to be strong and the leader of the family...right? IMO, the men who come to this site and at least read are the strong one's. If you are feeling depressed, have anxiety and want to run as far away as you can and then decide to turn around, face your feelings head on and not let them deprive you of raising your kids the best way you can than you are the strongest man of all.
I have had months of counseling for my PPD and here is what I have gained from it:
1. It is very normal to feel this way. It is normal to "grieve" the loss of your life as you once knew it to be.
2. The positives will outweigh the negatives by a mile!!!
3. I had to mentally change my thought patterns. As an example...when my son is screaming and we can't do anything to stop it...what I thought before was that "my life sucks", "why did we have a child", "i will never have free time again", etc etc. I wanted to run away! Now, I look at him as this is my son's only way to communicate. How can I make him feel better? I had to retrain myself on how I thought.
4. What ever period of time you are in...whether it be the worse experience or the best...this period of time is only temporary. As you deal with your child or children, remember that the hard time will pass, it will get easier and you will get through it.
Regarding number 3 above and to be more specific: What my counselor advises me to do is this...when I have a negative experience/thought...here is what I answer to myself.
1. What is the actual experience that is happening?
2. What am I thinking?
3 How is that making me feel?
4. What is the worse thing that could happen b/c of this?
5. What actual facts do I have to support these feelings and thoughts? (Note: You will never find actual facts. They will always be opinions not facts)
6. What actual facts do I have not to support these feelings and thoughts?
7. Then what positive thoughts can I substitute the negative thoughts?
What this does is help identify that your negative thoughts are not based on actual facts. For example, me thinking that this is the worse thing ever and that I will never have the life I once had is not supported by any facts what-so-ever. It is only based on my opinions and the scenario at hand. I know deep down that my life will be fulfilled in ways 100% more than when I didn't have my son. I just can't see it at the specific time. But by substituting my negative thoughts into positive thoughts helps reduce the chain of feelings that makes me spiral downward.
By doing this every time i have negative thoughts, it retrains my way of thinking. In other words, you do it long enough it becomes habit.
I hope all this makes since. If not, you can certainly contact me and I will go over it more in detail.
Regards,
rssooner <---nother father that has felt the same way you have
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