My wife and I had our first child on January 1, 2007. We both had jobs, our own home, and we were generally happy where our lives were going. I fell in love with that little boy the instant I saw him, and I still feel he's the best thing that ever happened to me, even though he was unplanned.
Fast forward to July 2008. I separated from the military with a few jobs lined up. Unfortunately, this is when the recession really began to bite us. All the jobs fell through, and my wife was having a hard time supporting us by herself. We ended up moving in with her parents, and saying that I hate these people is far from an exaggeration, (they stole my wife's $10,000 inheiritance that she planned on using to keep a roof over our head while I found work). They have ruined everything between my wife and I, and the fact that we are still married is a miracle of love.
Now, my wife was on birth control, or so I thought. Novermber 2008, she tells me she's pregnant, and the first thing that runs through my mind is extreme anger. How could she do something so stupid like stop birth control in our current living situation? How could she consider having another child when there's no end to my unemployment in sight?
I finally find a job in April, so I feel a little better about things. At least for a little while. Now, she's making me pay for things that she never paid for when she was working. She leaves it to me to pay for the storage unit our home furnishings are in. She leaves it to me to register her car, when the tags expired a year ago. She's throwing everything on my chest, even with the new baby right around the corner.
Now, our second son is here, born July 25th. I'm finding it hard to love this child, even though he's a part of me. I look at my oldest son and feel warm on the inside, but it's different with this one. I feel that without him, my wife and oldest son could be living in our own home. We could be away from the horrible influence my in-laws are pressing on us.
I've felt this way for months, that a new baby would ruin everything we could have going for us. I haven't been interested in getting intimate with my wife in almost 6 months because it feels like her fault for not telling me she stopped birth control, and it still feels like her fault. We had talked extensively after our first child was born about not having anymore kids for a few years. We agreed to wait until we were happy with where our lives were going. I feel she betrayed me and forced another kid on me.
Is it wrong to think the only way out is to leave my wife and children? I can't think of any other way not to be trapped like this again, but I don't think I could go a day in my life without seeing my kids. I know I feel resentment towards our newborn, but I'm sure that will pass. However, I'm not sure I can look at my wife the same again. I feel she destroyed my life.
Thanks in advance for any advice.